my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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