Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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