a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
