My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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