He uses pillows to masturbate.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
