i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
