I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
