this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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