I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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