RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
