NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
