I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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