cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize