So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
