He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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