i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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