I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
