Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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