I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
