Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
