I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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