Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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