I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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