haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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