How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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