What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
