i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
