I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i will never coherently bang her
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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