why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
