That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
