tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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