U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
