No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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