I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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