do herpes really smell.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
