My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
it glows. i had to have it.
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Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
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I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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