She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
