He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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