just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
