It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
