is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
