Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
