the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
