you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
