Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
