What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
