is your mom at the bar?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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