I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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