Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
