Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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