It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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