It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
