It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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