i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
