My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
