I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Panties = found
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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