I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Panties = found
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
