Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
