Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
