Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
