first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
