Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
