You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
