I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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