So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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