What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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