Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
