When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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