The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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