i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
