I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
