I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
