working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
