did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
