There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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