Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
