I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
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She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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