you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
