At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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